


Drinking Game

by Potttterhead



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings (Movies), The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Desperation, Drinking, Drinking Games, Drunkenness, Gimli - Freeform, Legolas - Freeform, Omorashi, Thranduil - Freeform, Urination, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-05-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24249412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Potttterhead/pseuds/Potttterhead
Summary: Disclaimers: I don’t own anything. Everything is Tolkien’s universe. Lines have been borrowed from the movie.Second-disclaimer: As with all om my works – omorashi-warning.The fellowship of the ring was enjoying their night at the Rohirrin Party.”So it is a drinking game?” Legolas asked curiously. Gimli laughs “Aye! Last one standing wins”.Éomer says “No pauses, no spills – and no regurgitation!”.
Kudos: 36





	1. Chapter 1

Legolas and Gimli had been weary towards each other at the beginning of the fellowships quest. The natural dislike between dwarfs and elves had been hard to put aside, even though they now shared a common target. It was part of their culture to dislike each other, and for both it had also filled a significant part of their upbringing. Gloin, Gimli’s father, had told many tales in his childhood.

He had been one of Durin's men and had reclaimed Erebor, the lonely mountain, with Thorin – and thus reclaimed the dwarfish treasure inside of the mountain. Gloin had told Gimli of their meeting with the Elven King Thranduil during their journey thorough Mirkwood, and it wasn’t nice things that Gloin had told about the Elven King and his Elven Prince. They had been prissy and arrogant, and wouldn’t support the dwarfs’ rightful claim unless they got part of it. Got part of a treasure in which they shared no claim.

Gimli was also brought up with the history of how his ancestors lost the treasure to begin with. How evil had driven them out of Erebor in the form of the vicious dragon Smaug, and how the Elven King had watched from the distance with the entire elvish woodland army, and done nothing. King Thranduil had turned his back on the dwarfs, and even generations of time had not changed the hard feelings towards the elves.

The stories went that the elves always had thought themselves above all other species, which had to do with their immortality and thus their impressing realms and warriors. True, King Thranduil had joined the dwarfs in battle after realising that evil was their common enemy – but still, not for the sake of an alliance, but for the sake and security of their own realm.

Gloin had told Gimli about the elven Prince Legolas, son of Thranduil, and of his magnificent skills with arrow and bow – and had also told Gimli about the elven prince’s animosity towards the group of dwarfs. Meeting Legolas for himself was strange, for how could a person looking so fair and young have met his father more than fifty years earlier.

Legolas was also brought up with a strained view of the dwarfs. He knew that his father, King Thranduil, had gone to the King under the mountain to show respect and recognise an alliance. His father had gone to strike a deal with the dwarfs under the mountain because of the elvish treasures they had lost during the first battle. Legolas knew that his father had sought their heirlooms. His mother’s jewellery, the gems of Langalas.

Legolas’ mother had died in Angmar. She had been tortured to death. He knew only this about his mother, because his father didn’t talk about the matter. King Thranduil had changed that day. He had changed into the distant, cold and arrogant king that the dwarfs detested.

Legolas was there himself when Thorin with his group of dwarfs, between them Gloin, had come to his father’s realm. He was there when Thranduil again had tried to come to an agreement with Thorin – to reclaim the elven heirlooms and thus help the dwarfs reclaim Erebor. Thorin had been greedy and animous towards his father though, and rejected the offer disrespectfully.

All these years later, Legolas knew that elves and dwarfs wasn’t that unlike. He had seen many things during his travels in the north. But still, his pride and prejudices repelled the dwarfs. Until now. Gimli had proved himself loyal and kind, and Legolas found himself on good terms with the dwarf.

They shared a common like for competition, and during the quest they had competed in almost every matter. Legolas had won most of their competitions having an elvish eyesight and elvish senses. He was truly superior to both men and dwarfs in many matters. But still, Gimli had grown found of the elf. Legolas had also shown to be loyal and kind.

They have shared many challenges together in the fellowship, and it had made them overcome their initial dislike for each other. They have fought alongside each other and had proven to have great value for the fellowship. Gimli was strong and bold, he fought like a dwarf – meaning that he liked the sound of orc-skulls crunching. He was keen with an axe and was fast and efficient in close combat.

Gimli’s style of fighting was must different from Legolas’, and thus they complemented each other perfectly. Legolas was brilliant at cross country with his light weight, long legs and heightened senses. He had alarmed the fellowship many times, and even a dwarf couldn’t reject the advantages of Legolas’ elvish senses. Legolas enjoyed Gimli’s skills as a warrior. They had more than once fought back to back, and Legolas trusted the dwarf with his immortal life.

The obvious differences between dwarf and elf were the root to their banter and competition, and thus why they found themselves eager to join a drinking game. Both knew that the completion really only was between the two of them. Gimli felt confident that he would have the upper hand in this matter. He was more than used to drinking ale, and since he was broad and big, he was confident that he could hold his liqueur much better than the slender elf.

Legolas on the other hand was also confident in joining this drinking competition. He had been drinking since before Gimli was even thought of. His father’s wine cellar was infamous for its size, and Legolas had taken part of many parties from his time in the Kings Guard. He knew that he wouldn’t get affected by mere ale.

Legolas looked smugly at Gimli, “I should warn you, Gimli. I have been drinking strong elvish wine out of my father’s goblet since before I could walk”. Gimli just laughed, “Ha! elvish wine. I have heard that it is no stronger than dwarf-piss”. Legolas shook his head, “We will see if your insult to my father’s wine is misplaced when you are passed out under the table. I can drink like a fish”.

Gimli held up a hand to gesture the beginning of the game, “As Éomer said, Legolas, the first one to set a full goblet of ale on the table has lost. No puking, no pissing, no pausing. Understood?”. Legolas held up a goblet of ale in affirmative. Gimli rushed to bring the first goblet to his lips. He emptied it in two gulps and grabbed for another full goblet.

Legolas watched Gimli advance and brought a goblet to his lips. He sniffed the substance and wrinkled his nose. This sure smelled like piss. He hadn’t expected it to taste as nice as his father’s expensive wine, but he surely hoped that it didn’t taste like it smelled. The first sip was the worst, ans Legolas gulped the rest of it down as quickly as possible to taste as little as possible.

He held up the empty goblet to cheer Gimli. Gimli had already emptied the second goblet and laughed at Legolas, “Ha, if you are going to keep that slow pace, I will have to drink all night”. Legolas sped up and grabbed for another goblet. He emptied the second goblet in three gulps.

Gimli nodded in acknowledgment and they both grabbed for the third mug. “Keep pace, elfling!”. Legolas emptied the third goblet and grabbed for the fourth, “You are behind now. An elf will be superior to you in every matter”. Gimli couldn’t let that comment go over his head, and so they both grabbed for the fifth goblet.


	2. Chapter 2

By the tenth goblet it was clear to everyone that Gimli was most effected by the alcohol. While Legolas was still standing elegantly in his pristine elven silk, Gimli was hanging over the table with droplets of ale in both his beard and on his shirt. “Are you holding up, elf?” Gimli asked with the twelfth goblet in his hand, “remember no breaks!”. Legolas and Gimli clinked their goblets and emptied them.

Gimli broke wind loudly and Legolas burped delicately into his hand. They both looked surprised at each other at this and laughed. No one had heard Legolas burp before, and the elf looked positively surprised himself. By the fifteenth goblet Legolas had sat down on the bench in front of Gimli. Gimli’s drunkenness seemed to have stagnated.

They were grinning at each other as they put down the now empty goblets and grabbed the next one. They both rose the goblet in cheers and Gimli belched loudly. A couple of men cheered him behind them. Legolas looked positively smug before he knocked on his chest and if even possible belched even louder than Gimli. The cheering would take no end. “So my friend, now we are playing!”, Gimli said. Legolas looked positively self-satisfied, “Just give up already, dwarf. You can never beat an elf!”.

Gimli grabbed for the seventeenth goblet and Legolas followed suit. They emptied it in no time. They sat in silence for a minute. Gimli looked positively hammered and Legolas held up a hand in astonishment. “I feel something, a slight tingle in my fingers. I think its affecting me”. Gimli laughed happily, “I told you, elf. Your elvish wine is nothing to a good goblet of strong ale!”.

Gimli rose in his seat to belch loudly again. Legolas looked conflicted as they grabbed for the eighteenth goblet, “I have to piss”. Gimli grinned at Legolas, “No breaks, laddie!”. Legolas burped again. “Don’t tell me, that you don’t have to piss, my friend?”. Gimli’s grin broadened even further before he answered, “Of course I do, lad, but its part of the game”.

Legolas smiled hesitantly, “Cheers to that!”. They bottomed the nineteenth goblet. Gimli told Legolas about the joys of dwarfish woman and how many believed, that there were not dwarf woman. “I have yet to find a woman more beautiful than my mother. She was kind and fair. She didn’t even have a beard!”. Legolas couldn’t help but laugh heartily.

“I remember the time I met your father, Gloin, he was carrying a medallion with pictures inside. There was a picture of your mother. I though it was his brother!”. Legolas couldn’t stop laughing, even though Gimli was staring daggers at him. Gimli stood up in anger, “If you insult my mother, you insult me!”, Legolas stopped laughing and said out of breath from laughing, “I am sorry, my friend, but it is true!”.

Gimli sat down heavily with a thump and muttered to himself, “At least I don’t look like an elven princess”. Legolas decided to let the comment go and just grabbed for the nineteenth goblet of ale. Gimli followed suit and soon forgot about his sulking.

Legolas was soon leaning heavily on the table. His cheeks were flushed and he was burping regularly by now. Gimli was drooling into his beard and looked to be sweating. Legolas turned in his seat and grimaced, “I have to piss soon”. Gimli looked pleased. “Piss and you lose. I can control both my liquor and my bladder”. They were nearing their twenty-second goblet of ale and they were beginning to stir the attention of the other members of the fellowship.

They laughed every time Legolas burped and almost fell off their seats laughing when Gimli rose unsteadily from his seat to break wind. Legolas wrinkled his nose and tried to stand as well. He was more affected that he would have thought. His legs didn’t obey him and his head span madly.

Legolas fell heavily back on the bench. “I am drunk” he stated surprised, “I can’t feel my legs”. The members of the fellowship cheered and whistled. Gimli smiled triumphantly “The ale is too strong for a pretty elven prince like yourself!”. Legolas slumped in his seat, “Aye, prettier than your mum!”, he laughed.

Both Gimli and Legolas was fighting to stay in the game. Legolas was by now wriggling around in his seat that Gimli couldn’t help but notice. “My old father would have loved to see the sight of a pee-dancing elven prince”, he laughed excitedly. Legolas snorted, “Look at yourself, you can barely sit upright”. It was true. Gimli had slumped so much in his seat that he was almost lying down.

Legolas’ feet were dancing under the table, but to him it only proved that he was closer to winning this game than Gimli. Legolas spoke in competitive excitement “Remember what I said, Gimli son of Gloin, you will be passed out under this table before this game is over”. Gimli hiccupped, “I will stay awake long enough to see the elven prince piss himself like an elfling!”. The fellowship laughed.

Legolas gritted his teeth, but his eyes flashed in confidence, “We will see”. Gimli slurred his words “I have heard tales about your father’s ability to drink. I think he will be disappointed to hear about his son’s weak liver”. Legolas snorted and replied, “My dear friend, if I am to lose this game, then it will be because of my bladder. I am not nearly as drunk as you are!”.

Gimli merely saluted Legolas with the twenty-fifth goblet, “And I wonder if the great King Thranduil has a weak bladder like his son”. The fellowship spurted out ale in laughter at this comment. Legolas stated simply, “I assure you, we elves are superior in that matter as well”. Gimli smirked, “You elves always have high thoughts about yourself. A tale from my ancestors is that your father, Thranduil, pissed himself at a feast once. Got himself too drunk to walk and ended up pissing all over his silken clothes where he sat!”.

Legolas snorted, “If you didn’t see it yourself, then it didn’t happen”. Gimli insisted, “It did happen, I have the tale from my grandfather, who had it from his grandfather!”. Legolas shook his head, “I have never heard such tale before. And I have lived for centuries”. This time it was Gimli’s turn to snort, “Right you are, but why would the Elven King tell tales in his own realm about the time he pissed in his lavish silken clothing? I can hardly imagine the pride and arrogant Thranduil would do that”.

Legolas frowned, “Remember who you are speaking to, my friend. Don’t speak poorly of my father”. Gimli shrugged, “Right, I am sorry. But I am sure, that your father can confirm the story if you ask him”. Legolas shrugged. “Right. I have heard that dwarfs regularly both pisses and soils themselves while drunk – is that true?, Legolas asked innocently.


	3. Chapter 3

Legolas wasn’t feeling well. He wasn’t used to getting drunk in ale, and it was a completely different sensation than when he got drunk in his father’s wine. He felt bloated and burped regularly. He couldn’t sit still for more than a couple of seconds before having to move in his seat to find the least uncomfortable spot for his bursting bladder, and he sincerely hoped that Gimli would fall asleep from drunkenness soon.

If Gimli did not soon fall asleep, then Legolas would have to contemplate which outcome would be a bigger blow to his pride. Legolas wondered for a brief moment if the tale about his father was true. His father did have unbelievable self-control, so he could easily imagine that his mind could press his body enough to have an accident. Especially if victory in an elf-to-dwarf dual was at stake.

Legolas was pulled out of his thoughts by the sound of Gimli spitting. “Oy, Gimli, no regurgitation!” Legolas grinned. Gimli was slurring more now than before. “This ain’t puking, I merely have a bad taste in my mouth! Have you started pissing yourself yet, lad?”. Legolas would soon be. His bladder was pressing hard against the silken seams and even though an elf could endure much, this was about to become unbearable.

Gimli lacked all modesty and was pressing a hand to his own crotch, “I am anyway!”. Legolas grinned triumphantly, “Surely I have to piss more than you do!”. Gimli looked positively affronted, “You do not, elf!”. Legolas grinned before saying, “I will piss myself any moment now”. Gimli rose from his seat again and hollered offended, “You think you can do anything better than me!”. Legolas felt smug until his bladder pressed at him to be emptied.

He had to put a hand on the front of his trousers to stop himself from just letting go. He had to be honest with himself. He could feel that his senses and muscles were numbed in his state, and he had a slight fear that his muscles would give in before his mind would. Legolas tried to look as untouched as possible, “Aye, I think I am better. I might just start going in my pants right now”.

Legolas regretted saying it the moment it was out, because just at that moment the first involuntary drops had dribbled out. He gasped. Aragorn laughed out loud, “Come on, my friends. Put your cocks on the table so we can measure and get this over with!”.

Gimli and Legolas weren’t drinking anymore and the last goblets they had drunk had been downed at a much slower rate than the previous. But even though they had paused the drinking, the game was still on. Gimli was eagerly telling stories about how he would hold his piss for days when in battle, “When dwarfs fight, they fight! We can fight for days without food, nor rest, if the enemy is worthy. You don’t see a dwarf piss on the side of a battlefield do ya?”.

Legolas on the other hand told Gimli, “You hear stories of the elven body not needing to relief itself, but they are not true. Elves have to piss just like men and dwarfs, we are simply superior in controlling these trivial needs”. Legolas continued, “Tell me, Gimli, have you ever heard about a pissing elf in the ancient tales – I think not…”. Gimli was just about to interrupt, but Legolas beat him to it, “…and don’t tell me that you believe the tale about my father!”.

Gimli just humphed in annoyance. He was getting desperate, but wasn’t yet ready to lose to Legolas. Contrary to the elven prince, Gimli didn’t think it as a blow to his pride if he were to piss himself. As long as Legolas pissed himself first. “What are you telling me, lad? Are you going to be the first pissing elf in the stories we tell our descendants?”.

Legolas’ eyes sparkled with joy, “Aye, I am sure that the tale about how the elven prince Legolas, son of Thranduil, beat the dwarf Gimli, son of Gloin, will be remembered. I will be sure to tell it for eternity after all”.

Gimli hollered, “Shall we go outside and see whose bladder held most?” Legolas smiled, it was just what he hoped for. “If you can’t wait any longer, then we can”. Legolas’ smile broadened. Gimli spluttered, “If I can’t wait! YOU can’t wait!”. Legolas truly couldn’t wait much longer. He had leaked in his trousers every second minute for some time now, and his normally strong senses couldn’t be trusted much longer. “The longest and strongest stream wins”, Legolas declared. Gimli nodded and they both proceeded to stand.

It wasn’t elegant, and both had to put one hand to their crotch and the other on the table to support themselves. Gimli grunted and huffed as he got to his feet. Legolas grimaced in pain and moaned as his strained bladder was straitened out. Boromir laughed seeing them, “Are you really doing this?”. Aragorn joined in laughing, “You need witnesses if this really is to go into legend”.

The fellowship walked through the party to the courtyard. Legolas was sincerely worried that he might not make it outside. He had removed his hand from his front out of pride to not disgrace himself, but as he began walking and his bladder jostled it was much needed. Gimli was openly holding himself as they walked, but it didn’t stir any attention. Legolas presumed that it would stir much more attention if it had been him.

Elves were proud people, and he was a prince no less. He had to behave like one, and he would hear from his father if a rumour about this spread. Aragorn clapped Legolas on the back as he sensed the urgency, but it had the opposite effect on Legolas. The clap jostled his bladder just enough to cramp forcefully and thus making Legolas bent over in urgency.

A massive leak escaped and Legolas hissed in pain. It stirred some attention around them and Aragorn hastily pulled Legolas with them outside. “I am sorry, mellon nin” Aragorn whispered. Legolas was still doubled over, and the cold wasn’t helping his predicament. Gimli had noticed the escalation of the situation and moaned, “Come on! I call it disqualified if you start going in your trousers now!”.

They both hasted to undo their clothing. Gimli had done it in a couple of seconds, but Legolas struggled. He was clearly getting beyond desperate, and was dancing on the spot. ”Aiya...” breathed Legolas, and moaned as another leak streamed into his clothing. Only Aragorn understood the plea, but Legolas thankfully managed to undo his clothing before anyone could help.

There was no time to clarify rules or take up positions. Legolas had simply started to go the moment he was out of his clothing. He sighed in relief, as a massive stream poured out of him. Gimli was clearly displeased. He took position next to Legolas and began to piss as well. It was an equally strong stream, and he groaned in ease as well. Legolas was breathing heavily, and kept going even when Gimli’s stream had died out. None of them said anything in the minutes it took Legolas to finish his business. Legolas moaned again and chuckled lightly in relief.

“Game over” he breathed and closed his eyes in pure bliss. Gimli sighed, “I am not so sure, Legolas. Half of it went into your trousers, and that doesn’t count” Legolas just shook his head at the comment, but his eyes were closed in pleasure and his face sported an utmost pleased smile. Gimli continued, “Like I said. You disqualified by pissing yourself”. Legolas opened his eyes and grinned at Gimli, “What do you say, my friend – do you want a re-match?”.


End file.
